I’m so, I’m so happy that you have this, because really it makes it cute and sweet and not scary… like a stuffed animal. You know, it’s just nice and friendly.

— Tyra Banks
“What’s Up Down There?”
November 2007 Tyra

Why It’s Moronic

When I heard the hype about Tyra’s “What’s Up Down There?” show, I was kind of impressed. Twenty years ago, would a show about frank vagina talk would be allowed on daytime TV? I thought, Tyra and her experts are sure to be upfront and informative, using lots of charts, photos, and technical jargon. It seemed like a good service for a young girl who is oppressed into thinking her genital region a far-off sector of the universe that doesn’t deem exploration.

Then came out an expert with a “vulva puppet.” Made of brown, magenta, and purple velvet and satin, the virtual stuffed animal was intended to make genitals more understandable to women. (What?) And even with the expert’s warning that “you likely won’t see velvet or satin on yours” (ha ha replied the audience), I found the thing a lackluster—and potentially confusing—representation of the real thing. I hope no male virgins were taking notes, because it’s just going to be disaster for them if they try to navigate the real-world landscape according to Tyra’s velveteen map.

Tyra furthered the weirdness by implying that real genitals are “scary.”