1) Thanks for making these big enlargements so fast… just for me. Fast is good. 2) Hi, Pete. Do you like my dress? 3) Whether they’ve got a titanium wedge, a pneumatic lifting arm, or a carbide-tip circular saw, these incredible machines represent extraordinary technical achievement, and they can easily rip you a new one.

— Carmen Electra
endorser
1) Ritz Camera, 2) Taco Bell, 3) Battlebots ads

Why It’s Moronic

Like Jessica Simpson, Carmen Electra’s just a girl who can’t say no... to endorsement deals (and, judging from her two ex-husbands, dirty sex with scab-covered transvestites). She has endorsed or partnered with the following products: Blockbuster, Coca-Cola, Comedy Central’s Battlebots, Def Jam: Fight for New York video game, Diet Pepsi, ESPN NFL 2K5 video game, GM, Guitar Hero III video game, Lovoo.com, Max Factor cosmetics, NV weight-loss/beauty supplement, Ritz Camera, and Taco Bell.

She also has a line of workout videos (Aerobic Striptease), “wrote” a book called How to Be Sexy and a comic book, Embrace, started the Naked Women’s Wrestling League, and is the assistant or something in the Luxe Life magic show in Vegas. (Yes, really.)

As if that’s not enough, Carmen claims to be working on a clothing line and a perfume, and she’s lined up to be in the next cycle of The Apprentice. Shouldn’t she be running her businesses instead of competing on a reality show for the possibility of being told she has what it takes to run a business?

The most ridiculous product tied to Tara Leigh Patrick Ms. Electra is the Carmen Card, a pre-paid credit card backed by the so-reputable-I’ve-never-heard-of-it MetaBank. Why would any celebrity choose to associate herself with such a low-rent product? She’s pushing 40 and probably appeals to the 30-40 age group; people in that demographic shouldn’t be resorting to secured credit cards. And the company charges an outrageous $4.00/month “maintenance fee.” Wake up, idiots: They’re charging nearly 50 bucks a year for the “privilege” of having what essentially is a savings account. Cards like this are made to take advantage of poor people. If she were capable of consideration for others, Carmen wouldn’t be slappin’ her mug on any piece-of-crap product that comes her way.

If Carmen and Jess started an investment firm, what would it be called, and what would their philosophy be?