1) I never know what’s gonna happen next. But the one thing I do know: I start my day and end my day with Proactiv. 2) These [Cheesy] Bites were made for poppin,’ and that’s just what they’ll do. One of these days these Bites are gonna pop right into you. 3) Is it liquid, or is it ice? Liquid or ice? Liquid or ice?

— Jessica Simpson
endorser
1) Proactiv ad, 2) Pizza Hut ad, and 3) Liquid Ice ad

Why It’s Moronic

Jessica Simpson has endorsed, sponsored, or partnered with the following brands: Blockbuster, Dessert Beauty, DirecTV, HP, HairBoutique.com, HairDo clip-in hair extensions, Hudson Jeans, Ice Breakers Liquid Ice mints, JS Collection, Jessica Simpson Eyewear, Jessica Simpson Handbags & Footwear, Jessica Simpson Swimwear, Parlux Fragrances, Pizza Hut, Princy, Proactiv, Sweet Kisses Clothing, and Tarrant Apparel. I’m sure there are more, but these are just the ones I could remember or find.

When someone crosses the line from having endorsements that supplement his income to becoming an endorser of anything and everything, there’s a problem.

I understand that Jessica probably is not getting enough real work—after all, her movies generally bomb, and her music aspirations seem to have been neglected—to take in the moolah required to maintain her lifestyle. An option would be to curb the Roberto Cavalli spending sprees and concentrate on her namesake brands to develop and stabilize them as long-term projects. (Think Mary-Kate and Ashley.)

It’s also worth mentioning that, despite being part of a social stratum whose finickiness is almost expected, Simpson has voluntarily endorsed some really low-level stuff. Pizza Hut? Really? You may trot in Jimmy Choos and Prada boots, but the effect is lost the second you pop a Cheesy Bite into your piehole.