Lindsay Lohan: She just has a cold she can’t shake…

Posted October 19th, 2007

…that I’m doing cocaine. And I’m not. There you have it. It’s not true. I remember my dad would always look me in the eyes and be able to tell that I was lying if I looked away for a second. A security guard taught me that too—and he works in the CIA! So look me in the eyes. I’m not looking away. I’ll talk to you for the rest of the interview like this if you want, aside from me having to eat my food. It’s not true! My mother would take me out of the business. I want to get away from that whole thing, because I know what it does to relationships and families. And the guys that I’m attracted to now are guys that have either been to rehab and don’t drink and don’t smoke, or guys that just drink and smoke and don’t do anything else. People say one thing leads to another—that’s bullshit! I think whatever you consume can be done in moderation. Whatever it is. But why even go there? Because it kind of came up in Vanity Fair? … I’ve been trying to go to Iraq with Hillary Clinton for so long. Hillary was trying to work it out, but it seemed too dangerous. I wanted to do what Marilyn Monroe did, when she went and just set up a stage and did a concert for the troops all by herself. It’s so amazing seeing that one woman just going somewhere, this beautiful sex kitten, who’s basically a pinup, which is what I’ve always aspired to be. So I tried to go there. I’m not afraid of going. My security guard is going to take me to a gun range when I get back to LA, and I’m going to start taking shooting lessons. He says if I’m going to go there I should really know how to shoot. Yeah, I have a dark side. I go to my dark side. I watched all these videos on Charles Manson for a while.

stupid quotes from Lindsay Lohan at Superstar Morons

— Lindsay Lohan
“La Vida Lohan”
September 2007 Elle

Why It’s Moronic

The celebrity lying has to stop. Don’t want to be honest? Then why not take the Matt Damon route and adopt a saying-nothing-isn’t-lying philosophy? You’ll not only be preventing yourself from being labeled a liar, but also be upping your mystique by keeping part of yourself private. On second thought, that may be difficult once the world has seen your naughty bits.

Next item: If there was any doubt of Lohan’s cocaine use (how could there be, since her two arrests?), all you have to do is read this article. The interviewer gives some clues, but the real proof is in the stream-of-consciousness rambling many of us associate with amphetamines.

Anyone else think Lindsay takes after her mom in the self-conscious-yet-self-obsessed department? My favorite part is when she challenges the interviewer to demand constant eye contact to supposedly prove Lindsay’s truthfulness. Any garden-variety sociopath/actor can meet the standards of “honest” body language. It’s like she’s begging for an invitation to demonstrate how skilled a liar she is.

Oh, and it just tickles my bits to hear her talking about taking preparatory shooting lessons for a trip to entertain the troops in Iraq. What world is she living in to believe that she’d be called upon to use a firearm on such a trip? (Please, leave the responsibility of shooting to the Marines.) Never mind that; how does Lilo propose transporting a gun to the Middle East? Or do you think she assumes that the Army will present one to her at a red-carpet ceremony at the Al Fallujah Friars Club?

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2 comments

  1. You should do one of these sites about poets. Except they don’t go around saying too much (except for maybe on their blogs). Maybe it could be a site on “I can’t believe she/he wrote that poem”. Or perhaps a critical site with a comical twist on their poetry. You’d get a lot of hits.

  2. Yeah! I love that idea… that’s sort of the idea with the “Proof in Pudding” category, but I hadn’t thought of specifically addressing bad poetry. I like it!

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